These days I was listening to a lecture by Kris Vallotton, in the United States, which caught my attention. I realized how much we do this in the way we communicate. Imagine what I am going to describe next, at home, interacting with your children, your wife, your husband or even a friend.
Communication is understanding the other, making connections. We communicate to build connections and not to tell each other that I am right.
Have you ever been with someone who was not interested in what you were talking about? And you, have you acted in such a way as not to care what the other was saying?
Analyze the points below and try to understand if you have been doing this. If so, start correcting your communication.
Now, if you do NOT care about each other, these are the ways that people who do not care, act:
1. Send text messages on your cell phone during the conversation
When you are willing to send text messages or reply to them, you are demonstrating that the conversation is not that important. In this case, the message yes.
2. Arrive late for the meeting you requested
When they ask you for a meeting, it would even be understandable if you were late, after all, you are making time for a meeting that may not be of interest to you. However, when you request someone’s time, who is ready to serve you and you arrive late, you are communicating that you do not care so much.
3. Keep looking at your watch as you speak
In this case, you show restlessness and you probably cannot wait for the conversation to end.
4. Answer the phone while talking
Clearly the conversation is not there for those things you stop and answer the phone and continue the conversation while you answer the phone. Giving attention to another person is not part of your intention.
5. Change the subject drastically by interrupting to something that is happening outside
This is a demonstration that you were not paying attention to the conversation
6. Look around the room instead of maintaining eye contact
That person who does not look you in the eye. He is interested in everything, except in maintaining a dialogue.
7. Minister to the person, have a one-way conversation
A conversation, a dialogue is not a one-way street. You must pay attention to another person and listen to them. It is not just you who speak. Unless, of course, you do not care.
8. Don’t show compassion when the person is obviously hurt in the dialogue
The person is crying, and you look as if nothing has happened.
9. Speak “over the top” of the person while they are speaking
Constantly interrupting the other is essential for unimportant communication. It is a clear demonstration that you do not care.
10. Don’t ask questions to understand better
When you do not understand, do not show interest when requesting a new explanation.
11. Develop your defense response while speaking instead of listening with all your heart.
While the person is speaking, you are already putting together your “argument” for an answer instead of listening carefully.
12. Correct someone’s vocabulary when it was obvious what was said
This is a sign of a rude person, who is not interested in the other.
13. End the sentence for them
This is agonizing for the speaker. If you do not mind, do it.
So, have you been through situations like this?
In my case, I constantly try not to act like this, but I confess: it is not easy. Sometimes it is very difficult. An example is the temptation to pick up the phone to check for new messages or if someone has replied to your message. Check for new updates on social networks, etc. Currently, the internet in the palm of your hand is already part of our daily lives and therefore, these temptations increase.
But, if you really care, act with more compassion, pay more attention and try to listen to the other as you would like to be heard.
Oh, and you’ll have to donate by letting go of some things in order to have a better, healthier and more effective communication, but, I can give you the certainty that you will feel better.